Why

I had a critical speed test today. If you don't know what that is, it is a 3000 metre time trial, followed by a 1000 metre time trial, with a short period for recovery in between. It hurts, a lot, and we did it on a 200 metre track, in the rain. 15 times around, I ended up having to ask Dean how many I had left with 5 laps to go, as counting to 15 is enough of a challenge when I'm not in oxygen debt. That, and it was raining. Hard. And I got pretty cold, so I run harder to keep warm, and that ends up not doing a whole lot, as it just makes the wind around the first corner even worse. By the time I was done the 1000 metre, I don't think I had a whole lot of blood flowing in my legs. I felt a bit like I was riding a bike really fast, but couldn't shift into a bigger gear to go faster, I was stuck where I was. Where I was was pretty fast, so if I can get those top gears, I should be quite quick. And I'm home for thanksgiving soon, which should be fun, see friends I haven't seen in what seems like ages. It's all very well and good being away at school, but it is nice to go home once and a while, if only for a few days.

And now for the time where I explain why the title is "why". I've talked before about what exactly motivates me, but truth is I don't really know. It certainly hasn't been easy, living so far away from the people you grew up with, starting over afresh, living in residence. I'm going to see if I can be transferred to a quieter section of the residence, as living in a regular section just plain sucks. They say residence is an important experience, but for me it's been entirely unnecessary. Being thrown in with people you don't know isn't that great, especially when some of them drink a lot, and are noisy drunks. And when they listen to shitty music at far to loud a volume. I realize that everyone has a unique taste in music, but please, take the courtesy of not sharing it with the entire floor. I've got a large plastic container of earplugs on my desk, and they've been a life saver for me. Skiing means waking up in the morning when you don't want to, going out in the rain to train, eating huge amounts of food, and has taken me so far away from home and everything that meant to me. And I don't know why I do it, only that I don't know what I would do without it. If I wasn't a skier I would have something much closer to a normal life, but then I wouldn't be the person I am today. Regardless of whether I like it or not, skiing is a huge part of my identity.

I was told yesterday that the brain of someone in love looks like the brain of someone on cocaine. I wonder what the brain of an athlete looks like, while under the agony and ecstasy that is racing. There probably isn't much there, all the blood and oxygen is elsewhere, the brain cells popping out of existence, the pain receptors screaming. It's like being drunk, except that it's fun and good for your heart and liver. In fact, it's better then being drunk. Everyone gets drunk, but how many people have experienced the amazing high that is racing, that is oxygen debt? Not that many. And that may be why I do it. Because it's the coolest thing in the world.